I decided to indulge in some Pei Wei for lunch today. As I ate my sweet and sour chicken bite by bite, I stared excitedly at the dessert. I hand-selected a fortune cookie out of hundreds and just knew that enclosed around a shell of sweetness, prosperous and inspiring words of wisdom awaited me. I hurriedly finished my lunch and cracked open the cookie as fast as I possibly could. I pulled out the tiny white piece of paper, eager to read what good fortune lied ahead of me.
“A crab wonton a day keeps the doctor away.”
Are you serious? That was my fortune? To begin with, it seemed to me that instead of offering a good fortune inside of my cookie, Pei Wei used a marketing tactic to get me to come back to their restaurant. Secondly, how does this fortune apply to me when I don’t even remotely like crab wontons. Lastly, who wants to open up a fortune cookie and receive a message so stupid?
It’s not that I’m superstitious. (That is except for my encounter with a Magic 8 ball last week. I asked the Magic 8 ball if the Cowboys were going to beat the Vikings. The response was “Outlook Not So Good.” I asked again to get a second opinion. The response was “Don’t Count On It.” The Magic 8 ball’s honesty made a Cowboys playoff loss bearable.) I don’t even believe that words generated randomly by a computer in China and printed onto a .5cm X 5.5cm piece of paper can accurately predict my future. (Yes, I did measure the piece of paper to make this blog 100% accurate.) I was just really excited to read some good news and to feel inspired on a beautiful, sunny day. My ridiculous fortune made me stop and think – what if the cookie we broke into to retrieve a fortune message was really a premonition of our future?
For instance, wouldn’t it be comforting if you read a fortune that stated “You will nail an interview but will not get the job.” Great! Now that rejection email is a little easier to swallow. Or “In 5 years, your parents will get a divorce.” Wonderful! I now have 5 years to prepare, heal and move on. I could have used the fortune “On January 20th, 2009, your perfectly healthy grandmother will suffer a paralyzing stroke.” That fortune would be beneficial. Then instead of secretly being upset with my grandmother for missing my wedding I would have spent those two months in between enjoying time with her while she was healthy and able. Perhaps the fortune cookie bakers should consider adding a dash of reality to their recipe.
I would much rather receive a fortune, good or bad, that was applicable then receive a fortune that you can’t even add “in bed” at the end to make appealing. Not only did my fortune stink but the cookie tasted a little like disappointment. I would imagine the only fortune worse than the one I received today would be to open the cookie and receive no fortune at all. To make myself feel better, I went online and visited the fortune cookie generator. “You are an outgoing and fun loving person.” Now that’s a fortune that actually offers some insight into my life.
Sorry crab wontons, I’ll stick to apples to keep the doctor away.